This one couple has found themselves at a very stressful crossroads in deciding to take in their recently orphaned niece.
The wife, identified as the OP (original poster), took to Reddit to ask for advice, questioning if she was in the wrong for not feeling guilty about the possibility of foster care.
Two orphaned children
OP explained the complicated situation by writing that her husband’s sister tragically died from a drug overdose, leaving behind two children, Rose, almost 17, and seven-year-old Lilly.
The 23-year-old woman then detailed how she and her 26-year-old husband live on the East coast, while his family are all in California.
“My husband’s only other family is his mom, who lives in her boyfriend’s small house. She’s retired and doesn’t make much. This is to say that they don’t have much room and can’t afford 2 kids,” OP wrote.
The older of the two young girls, Rose, plans to stay on her grandmother‘s couch until she heads off to college the following year, which leaves seven-year-old Lilly in need of a long-term solution.
The dilemma
“She’s staying with them for right now but MIL really can’t care for her long term due to a multitude of reasons, MIL’s boyfriend also said he wants her out of his house,” OP said.
Though, OP explained that taking Lilly in with her and her husband was a no-go, even though her mother-in-law wanted them to. “My husband and his mom want us to take Lilly so that she doesn’t go into foster care. I’m pretty against this for many reasons,” she wrote in her post.
OP’s main reason for not wanting to take in Lilly is due to her husband’s lack of responsibility, and she explains that her husband only cooks two or three times a year and prefers to play video games when he’s not working.
The husband, who serves in the military and has extended deployments, often works long hours and night shifts, which leaves the OP fearing she would bear the primary responsibility for Lilly’s care, given her husband’s demanding schedule and frequent out-of-town work commitments.
Another reason why the OP is hesitant is due to her own lack of desire for children. In her post, she questions the fairness of expecting her to adopt a seven-year-old she has never met and who is not biologically related to her.Lilly’s additional challenges, such as ADHD and behavioral issues, further contribute to OP’s nervousness.
This who situation has obviously caused tension between the couple.
What did the internet say?
Fellow Redditors were both sympathetic towards both Lilly and the OP, with one person saying: “Basically her husband is volunteering her to be a single mom. I feel badly for the niece but if OP doesn’t want to be a parent, pushing her to is only going to create resentment and toxicity. I know very well the foster system is s****y, but in this circumstance it appears to be the best option for everyone involved.”Someone else highlighted how the husband’s willingness to offer up their home to Lilly was unfair to his wife, who would be taking on a lot of extra work. “It seems like the husband doesn’t want to actually say no and be seen as the bad guy despite this genuinely not being feasible for them to do,” the comment read.
“He’s military, and when he’s not deployed he works 12+ hours a day. OP mentions in some comments that she is not only a full time student, she also works 12 hour shifts too. How would she be able to raise the niece? Quit her job? Quit school? I’m sorry but that’s not fair to her either,” the comment continued.
They then added: “I feel bad for the niece, but at the same time, OP has never met the niece so I’m not really going to fault her for not wanting to be a single parent to a kid she doesn’t know just bc ‘but family!’”