After the doctors said they could do nothing to save her, a 25-year-old woman began planning her funeral. While her parents and husband were heartbroken after the doctors gave up, the young woman decided to plan her funeral, hoping it would make her feel better. Little did she know that it would add to her stress.
The woman shared her story on Reddit on January 26, 2020, under the username “Dyingisstressful.” She wanted other users to tell her if she was at fault for not wanting her parents to host a traditional funeral for her.
Before addressing the issue, the woman shared that she was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, and the doctors tried their best to cure it by performing two lung transplants, but they didn’t work. Eventually, the woman was told she had a short time to live, so she began to plan her funeral.In her Reddit post, the woman shared that her parents, who were particular about religion, wanted to bid her farewell in a traditional way. She revealed, “This includes hymns to be sung during the memorial, a casket and graveside service, a viewing, countless prayers during the memorial, scripture to be read, etc.”
What Was the Woman’s Idea of Her Funeral?
While her parents wanted a traditional funeral, the woman thought that wasn’t the right thing to do. She believed one’s funeral should reflect one’s personality, and a traditional funeral wouldn’t represent how lively and vibrant she was.
The woman wasn’t religious like her parents. In fact, having lived her life to the fullest, she thought a funeral with music and laughter was what she deserved. Being a cat lover, she wanted her funeral to have cats and her ashes to be stored in a cat-shaped urn after her cremation.She wanted her friends and family to share funny stories while remembering her at her funeral. She also wanted her family to hand out her ashes to everyone “like party favors,” but her husband disagreed when he heard the idea. Moreover, her parents didn’t want her funeral to look like a party. She said:
“My parents are absolutely NOT on board and are essentially planning everything how they want.”
Her husband wanted her funeral the way she wanted, but the woman knew her parents wouldn’t let him host the funeral that way. Hoping not to trouble her husband after her death, she thought writing a will would be the best solution. She planned to leave a will that stated what kind of funeral she wanted.”I understand my parents are grieving, and I’ve tried to compromise with a mixture of both my views and theirs, but they aren’t having it,” the woman said. As much as she wanted the last days of her life to be peaceful, the circumstances weren’t in her favor.
What Did Other Users Say?
Hoping to learn what others thought of her situation, the dying woman posted her story on Reddit, asking other people if she was at fault for wanting a non-traditional funeral for herself. Many people shared their opinions in the comments section.
One netizen supported the woman by saying, “NTA. It’s literally your funeral. You sound like an awesome person worth celebrating.” A second user asked the woman to ensure that funeral instructions written in wills are followed in her country. The user suggested she pay a funeral home with specific instructions about her funeral so they could follow it after her death.
A third netizen said she should leave it to her husband to decide whether he wants to share her ashes with everyone or keep them to himself. However, the user advised her not to let her parents take control.A fourth user suggested the woman calmly discuss the situation with her parents, telling them she didn’t mean to disrespect or hurt them by planning her funeral according to her wishes. The user said, “I’m sorry you’re having to do this in the last moments of your life.”
While some Redditors supported the woman, others looked at the situation from her parents’ perspective. One such netizen stated that her parents were going through their “worst nightmare” as they prepared for their daughter’s funeral, and they believed she was disrespecting them by not letting them plan it.The Redditor advised the woman to sit down with her parents and husband and come to a mutual decision where some of her wishes are granted, and some of theirs are respected. The user felt the woman could compromise on a few things.Another Redditor said, “You are not going to be around, and your parents will be having the absolute worst day of their lives.” The user asked the woman to consider what her parents wanted.
A few weeks after the woman shared her story on Reddit, her husband wrote another post from her account, sharing that she had passed away. The husband also revealed that before breathing her last, the woman wrote a letter to be shared with her Reddit readers. The letter, which the husband posted on Reddit, began with :
“Reddit! If you’re reading this, I am dead. Pretty crazy to be talking to a dead person, eh? It feels a bit strange to be writing this.”
The woman shared that she discussed everything with her parents, and they understood her concerns. After a lot of discussion, tears, hugs, and laughter, they agreed to let her plan her funeral but didn’t like the idea of giving her ashes away as party favors.
The woman thanked other users for their suggestions and said she was happy she would soon get rid of her disease by breathing her last.