Any fan of the TV show Friends will remember the episode The One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break. The heartbreaking scene marked the end of one of TV’s favorite couples, at least for seven years until the series finale when Ross and Rachel professed their undying love for one another.
But that’s the magic of Hollywood.
In real life, a break typically doesn’t result in a fairy tale ending, and one Redditor anticipated the worst after her boyfriend of almost 10 years said he wanted a break.Begging for support through the Reddit community, one user explains that the once healthy relationship she shared with her boyfriend of seven years had gone stale.
The 27-year-old woman says the two frequently, and effectively communicate their needs to one another, and “for the most part our relationship was pretty good.”
Days before writing the post on Reddit, the original poster (OP) explains that she noticed something was off with her boyfriend, 28, and when she asked what was going on, he said he wasn’t okay with how his life was progressing.
“He doesn’t like his job, his economics, his life basically. The only thing he said is good in his life is me, and that doesn’t make him feel fulfilled,” she writes. Discussing the declining connection ad nauseum, she continues: “We have cried too much. At the beginning I was scared because I didn’t want the relationship to end but the more we talk the more I feel I don’t deserve this situation. I know [it] is not a me problem, [it’s] him, his life, his goals. I cannot think for him.”
Explaining that she can’t force him into being happy, the author writes that she’s emotionally exhausted. “He ends up telling me that even though he wants to discover himself, the only thing he’s sure is that he doesn’t [want to] live without me, but then the next morning he wakes up confused with what he wants again.”
Self discovery?
One day, he dropped a bomb on the original poster, asking for a one-year break “so he can find himself and then come back to me.”
Despite thinking the plan is “awful,” she writes: “I told him that I love him so much and probably in a year I will still love him the same, but I don’t deserve that.”
Once she had some time to process how a break would look, she then said she refuses to wait for him, and if that’s what he’s expecting of her, she will grow resentful. She then proposed they go to therapy and work through things together, without separating, and if he wasn’t on board, then “it’s done.”
“He said the most important thing for him is my happiness and I deserve a concrete answer of what his choice will be, he wants time to think about it, like a month.” She continues: “But now I’m asking myself what do I want? Honestly him pulling this stunt destroyed somehow a little of my trust in him, so I don’t know if now should I leave either way.”
Looking for support from Redditors, the author says: “Now I’m disappointed and asking myself if I should leave him.”
‘Let him be free’
Redditors rallied in her support, urging her to take control and leave before he hurts her beyond repair.
One netizen says he’s had seven years to decide, and suggests the poster is being too generous by allowing him one more month. “If he wants to be free, let him be free. You’re right. You don’t deserve to have to sit there in anxiety for a month while he teeters. And if after 7 years he needs that long to think, I wouldn’t want it with him anymore either.”
“He sounds incredibly selfish. He says OP’s feelings matter? It doesn’t sound like it at all!” writes a second.
Meanwhile, others say he has an agenda and wants to date around.
“Sounds like he’s met someone and wants to have a ‘zero risk trial period’ with them…you know, to sort out what he wants,” writes one.
A second suggests that because the couple has been together since they were young, he wants to explore.
“He wants to take a year-long break because he wants to sleep with other people.” The comment continues, “You two got together at a young age so it’s understandable that he is curious to see what is out there, but it’s [disrespectful] to suggest pausing the relationship for a year and then coming back to you after he has had fun with other people. This is already a sign that the relationship is over.”
What do you think about a relationship “break?” Do you think time apart, where you’re free to do as you wish, helps repair problems or creates more?