Online users are fuming over a post made by a woman, who asked her husband for a divorce when he insisted on taking in his sister’s three children.
These children were abandoned at their home by his sister, and were apparently father by “different deadbeat guys.”Not everyone wants to be a parent, and today many adults are choosing to be single or part of a couple without children.
Which is the case of a 29-year-old woman who shared her story on Reddit, that outlines her unfortunate situation.
The poster, who knew from a young age that she didn’t want kids, explains that she met her husband in college, and they both agreed – before they married a couple of years ago – to remain a childless couple.But everything changed in August, after her husband’s younger sister visited with her three young children, twin boys and one daughter all under five, who were fathered by “different deadbeat guys.” Leaving her brother and his wife babysitting her kids while she ran an errand, the 24-year-old mom, ran very far and never returned.
The aunt-turned-guardian writes: “Two months ago she left all of them at our house, said she was going on an errand and never came back. Just left. We filed a report and everything. Last we heard she was safe but did not want to come back.”
But everything changed in August, after her husband’s younger sister visited with her three young children, twin boys and one daughter all under five, who were fathered by “different deadbeat guys.” Leaving her brother and his wife babysitting her kids while she ran an errand, the 24-year-old mom, ran very far and never returned.
The aunt-turned-guardian writes: “Two months ago she left all of them at our house, said she was going on an errand and never came back. Just left. We filed a report and everything. Last we heard she was safe but did not want to come back.”Explaining that her husband’s mom is a minimum-wage worker who’s strapped for cash, the woman writes that her mother-in-law doesn’t want to raise her grandkids, nor can she afford them.
“I don’t want to raise them either. Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for them. But raising kids is a huge responsibility I don’t want to take up.”
Struggling now financially and emotionally with the addition of three more bodies stuffed into a one-bedroom apartment, the woman says that expenses have increased exponentially with the cost of clothing, food, and caregiving.
“They are sleeping in our living room on air mattresses… I had to work from home and look after them ‘cause my husband could not get [work from home] and daycare for [three] is expensive. It has been really rough to say the least.”The husband is gone for work from 7 am to 8 pm, which leaves his wife caring for the kids alone. On his only day off, Sunday, she tries to work without distraction yet “he keeps disturbing me every 5 mins wanting something. Basically, I am never off the clock, and he is barely on it.”
Though the woman explains that her husband’s decision to care for his abandoned nephews and niece is “admirable,” she adds “he is not raising them. I would be. Wanting to make a selfless decision is admirable as long as you do it. Not volunteer someone else.”
“Sounds like he is voluntolding you, not just volunteering you,” one user writes in response to her post.When child protective services (CPS) became involved, the pair was urged to get a larger home if they wanted to raise the children.
The decision was split.
“I do not. I thought my husband would be on the same page, but he wants to keep the kids.My husband and I have gone back and forth on this. I cannot live the next 16 years like this. Raising kids is hard. And expensive. But he wants to be there for his family. Which I get.
So yesterday I told him I want a divorce. Quickly, before he made any commitments [to CPS] and dragged me into it with him.”
She continues: “He called me an AH (a**hole) for divorcing over kids. For abandoning him when he needed me. I told him he knew my boundaries well in advance and this was a commitment (children) that he is unilaterally deciding on.”
Users chimed in with their comments, one supporting her husband’s decision.
“Like what’s her husband supposed to do? He could very well still not want kids, but of course he’s not going to abandon those poor kids into foster care. I feel like people here have hearts of stone…” the user writes of messages supporting the woman. “He’s stuck with this situation and could very well feel just as upset about it as OP (original poster) does. And now he has to deal with it all alone.”
Defending her position, the wife writes: “Our vows did include not having children. Our vow was to stay together till staying apart made us happier than staying together will. Staying in a toxic relationship where you hate each other’s guts just because you made a vow was never appealing to us.”Empathizing with her predicament, one netizen writes: “You are not the AH. You went into this relationship with clear boundaries, and he is asking you to breach them.” The post continues: “What makes it more insidious is that as a woman the expectation will be that you take a more active role in child rearing as well and for someone who didn’t want kids in the first place that would feel like a death sentence.”
As the two had an agreement to be childless, many users understand her troubling position.
“It sounds like your husband wants to take in these kids so YOU can raise them. That’s not fair to you or these kids.” The post continues, “You’re not obligated to stay by your partner when they force you into an untenable situation and expect you to figure it out.”
Meanwhile, all users are unified in saying that raising the children is the responsibility of the sister.
One writes, “I hope his sister gets thrown in prison,” while a second adds, “That one sister-in-law ruined five lives at once. Must be a new record.”
A third shares “Raising kids is expensive. It doesn’t sound like he wants to actually take care of them he just wants you to. Which you’ve told him multiple times is a boundary for you. He did not listen so you told him you’re done. That is your right. His sister’s mistakes are not your burden.”We really feel for the children and hope their mom gets what she deserves. Perhaps if the husband was more supportive, this story would have a different ending.
That said, we don’t feel the poster is responsible for having to change her life and what she wants out of it, to care for her sister-in-law’s children. Some people just don’t want kids and that must be respected.
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